5 Reasons Why Imperfect Children Are Just Fine

Kim attends primary school in Malaysia and is in class 4. He performs greatly and gets straight A’s in all the subjects and this is just how smart he is in class. The boy has been the best scorer in his class in all the exams since he was in the kindergarten. Kim was also made a school prefect by his teachers as he seemed to be more responsible than his peers. All his teachers had an unanimous agreement that the boy was a good role model and indeed he set an example that could be emulated by other students in his class in many different ways. While at home, Kim is always available to his parents and goes out of his way to help in any way possible. He always keeps his bedroom obsessively tidy and portrays himself as a boy every family would like to have or so it would appear.

However, Kim found his first bowling experience with his family to be unimpressive since he tramps his feet, sulks and complains – simply because most of his throws are gutter balls. According to his parents’ suspicion, Kim could be a perfectionist and one of the biggest challenges in perfectionism is that it’s an endless tough battle. For every perfect person, is such ever exists, the best way to live is to maintain the existing state of affairs and insist on it. so see, anytime you consider yourself to be perfect, you do not have any room for change or grown and the only thing that can happen is to go downward.

#1 Fuelling the false impression of perfectionism

Perfectionism is just a misapprehension and as a result its pursuit can put a lot of damaging pressure to a developing child.  For the young perfectionist, his self-esteem is based on his achievements. To this child, the goal is to attract favourable opinion from anyone who judges him including his peers, parents, teachers and the society as a whole. At some point, those who are in a position of judging can promote perfectionism but unintentionally. A teacher dealing with a student who is obsessed to succeed can easily be tempted to drive the child a little bit harder each day. In the same way, parents are also likely to expect a perfect child increasingly with each impressive achievement. The society also has a share to contribute in the whole situation. With this kind of a society and especially in our media, our children get an impression that they ought to work on any weaknesses; whether in their physical appearance, academic performance, social life, athletic ability or talent display. Although it seems like some of the children are born with a high-achieving and self-critical attributes, most develop it during their formative years and this is a very dangerous scenario.

#2 Are you raising a perfect child?

How can you assess whether your kid is a perfectionist? Normally, children who are perfectionists are more concerned with faultless outcomes. This is so serious such that they find it difficult to enjoy the essential learning process. They find it hard to understand that learning is progressive and continuous, and that slip-ups are an important part of the entire process. in actual sense, lessons learned from mistakes are normally the best ones and produce long-term effects which can be of great help if handled properly. In an absurd turn of events, kids who are perfectionists are so much preoccupied with perfect results and this makes them less innovative and industrious compared to their peers who are simply trying to do the best they can. In cases that are extreme, such kids may go through paralysis by scrutiny. They find it hard to make decisions simply because they are afraid of making mistakes. A great number of such perfectionists do not enjoy their childhood naturalness but end up losing it in the process. They are obsessed with being flawless and by so doing cannot enjoy fun in their play and work, and by large in their lives as well.

#3 Underachievers can be perfectionists as well!

Normally, young perfectionists end up in two different extremes. First, a perfectionist can either relax, with no intention of achieving much or push himself so hard with the aim of achieving all. Under the two circumstances, one will become an underachiever while the other one ends up being an overachiever. Overachievers have a feeling that if they end up being perfect, people will love and value them. However, once they achieve their desired goals, they still end up being dissatisfied lot. They always have a motto that says, if I improve my performance and achieve more, then I will be deserving of admiration”. This is not a good situation but a hopeless drive to accomplish more and more which could end up in mental and emotional exhaustion and drain.

On the other hand, perfectionists who are underachievers do not like challenges whatsoever and therefore will easily give up or throw in the towel when faced with the slightest of a challenge. They are pessimistic, and they no longer try to win just because to them winning is very hard for them. This category of perfectionists always fails to reach perfection mark and, unfortunately, they conclude that they will never win and therefore will always be a failure. With this mentality, they have a usual refrain that goes like, “what is the need, I will never get things right”. This ‘all or nothing” attitude is extreme in nature and does not have a balancing factor.

#4 To be a perfectionist or not

There is no parent who would want his or her kid to go through perfectionism, but as expected, every parent would like to see his or her child work to achieve their fullest potential. For this reason, it is important to differentiate between those who seek to excel from those who are simply perfectionists. A kid who just wants to succeed would adopt a thought pattern that goes something like, “I would like to get A’s in all subjects, but even if it does not happen, I am confident that I gave it my best. I am still loved and valued”. This kid has a high goal which he or she has set for him/herself but at the same time appreciates the possibility of not getting it all. Even if this child will be aiming for perfection, to him it is not an obsession. The key difference is that perfectionism is a strong obsession while merit is a choice.

On the contrary, to a perfectionist, failure is not something to think about at all. Children who grow to achieve their full potential have their parents or guardians encouraging them to continue as they learn different things in their life including reading, riding a bike or even athletics. In case the child fails in any of his or her pursuits, their parents do not follow it up with criticism. In contrast, they seek for the right opportunity to help their kids learn valuable lessons from their mistakes and failures.

#5 Learning to deal with imperfections

As a parent, what should you do if you discover that your child is obsessed with perfection? Is there something you can do to assist your child to find self-fulfilment, feel valued and loved even if he does not achieve perfection? There are some things that could be of great help if you find your child is a perfectionist and these will help him or her develop self-fulfilment and remain strong at all times no matter how they perform in any given task. Here is how you can do it: –

• Encourage the kid to set for him/herself some realistic and achievable goals. Once these goals are achieved, remember to recognize and congratulate him.
• Help your child to discover his or her hobby. Hobbies are great for releasing stress plus they encourage self-fulfilment.
• Let your child know that learning is not and end product but a process instead and therefore their objective should be progress and not perfection.
• Reassure your child of your love especially when he is unable to achieve his or her goals. Let it be clear that this love is not based on achievement but on who he/she is.
• Train your kid to look for various answers to challenges and alternative views for situations. Discourage the black or white, all or nothing attitude.
• Avoid criticism towards your child but instead encourage him or her more. Normally, perfectionists are so self-critical and adding criticism from external sources will only make things worse.
• Help the child to concentrate more on his/her strengths rather than weaknesses. No one succeeds in everything.
• Encourage your child to always be forward-looking instead of dwelling on his or her past mistakes. Instead, train him or her on how they should learn from these mistakes and avoid them in the future.
• Be a good example to your child. Avoid perfectionist tendencies which might set a bad example but instead deal with those traits in your life for your child’s sake.